Singhada X Father's Day

10th June 2024

Being raised in a typical Indian middle-class family, having a cordial relationship with a father was limited to films and daily soaps for me. I would only fantasize about it and feel all warm and fuzzy. I was closer to my mum, she tried her best to persuade me of my dad's affection towards me, but it was only on that day I realized it!

November 2008:
I went home for Diwali, and that was the longest I had stayed away from my home and family members. There was a bitter-sweet conversation that I was having with my father at that time; I had all the right to do so, and that's what I assumed. My dad came with me to Pune for admission, helped me settle in a hostel, and then left. He just left, no words, no hugs, no goodbye, nothing. I perceived he did not love me. Or my presence or absence did not matter to him. I cried so badly the moment I dropped him at the hostel gate, I clearly remember, that I ran to my room, closed the door, and cried till my pupils popped out.

The next morning, he reached home, I was getting ready for college, it was my first my first day there. My mom called me to inform me that he had reached safely. And after that day, I did not get to talk to him on call. He did not initiate it, I was so deep in my feeling of being unloved by him that I did not make an effort either. My mom continuously kept saying, "He has been silent from the day he dropped you." "He also needs you Beta, talk to him once, at least try to." But me being me, kept stretching that distance.

When I went for Diwali also, he kept himself occupied in his shop so that he interacted the least with me. He used to leave home before I woke and come for dinner after I slept. For lunch, he would ask my brother to get tiffin packed. I stayed for 6 days, and this was his schedule for those 6 days. My assumption of being unloved by him was only getting stronger. He booked my tickets, and the day next to Bhaidooj I had my practical exams. That day he came home to have lunch. We all had lunch together, it was fun. But we both did not interact on a personal level, no direct communication.



"You both are so adamant. None of you is even trying to communicate. Are you guys thinking about continuing this?" my mom asked me. "Mom, I have 1000 incidents to prove he does not love me. Or probably I don't have any role to play in his life. So be it." I replied firmly. "You mad girl." She said and before she could continue my friends came to meet me before I left for Pune.

When the time came, I hugged my grandparents, met my brother, and touched my mom's feet before leaving. Papa, as expected, did not come home, and chose to be at the shop. I felt bad, but I tried my best to hide it. My mum and brother came to drop me at the bus stop. We had quite a serious discussion there, about my brother's career. I missed his presence because he should have been a part of this discussion, ideally. My bus came, it waited for a few passengers to arrive, as they were late. The driver screamed a last call for all the passengers to be seated as the bus was about to leave. Just when about half the wheel would have rolled, it stopped again. And this time, it stopped for me. Papa came with an old newspaper packet in hand. It was full of Singhada (water chestnut) I got down, hugged him, boarded the bus again, and then the bus left. I love Singhada so much, that I started peeling its black hard shell with my bare fingers and popped them in my mouth one after the other. With the last two singhada left, 40 minutes into the journey my phone rang. It was my mum. I received the call and on the other I could hear my sobbing father trying to share with her the reason behind his behaviour. My absence affected him tremendously, but he did not want his love for me to become an obstacle in my career, so he was trying to keep away from me.

Could a mother do this? No. She would tell you a gazillion times that she loves you, she cares for you, and misses you, etc, etc. As they say, a mother carries a child in her womb for 9 months, and in her heart for the rest of her life; But a father carries his children always in his brain, thinking only what would be good for them. My love for Singhada is something he remembered, still remembers, and gets it for me whenever he sees them!

Father's Day is around the corner, let us make their shoulders and hearts a little lighter this Father's Day, because, the kind of setup we are living in, does not allow them to express their love and emotions for us. They carry more than expected responsibilities and unfathomable love, let us be the ones to receive both.

This post is a part of #BlogchatterFoodFest.